funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
