he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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