I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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