Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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