Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
We're not piercing ourselves today.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
