I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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