Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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