She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
