this beer tastes like vomit already
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.