it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong