and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid