i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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