For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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