hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
youre lurking in front of me
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
