he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
