Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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