I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
