I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
