Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
