You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
