Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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