it wasn't lemon gatorade
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Randomize
