We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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