After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
