I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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