I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms