Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
