Apparently you make a good broom.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
