thus making me awesome and them whores
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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