There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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