Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
