You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I want her autograph on my taint
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
