Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
