Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
