The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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