I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
