oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize