The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
