i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Boobs speak an international language.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
