Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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