if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
