I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
