1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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