i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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