My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
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for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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