I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
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Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
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i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
do nipples grow back?
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