she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
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