woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Randomize
