I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
