Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize