i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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