my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
