hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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