i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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