I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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