What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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