I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Randomize
