I'm pants shitting drunk right now
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
We need to rekindle our bromance
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
