I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
