WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
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I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
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When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
not ubering you a puppy
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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