so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
