On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
