It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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