For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
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She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
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You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
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